BLAGH.

It's getting harder and harder to overcome the physical and emotional exhaustion I experience at work everyday and motivate myself to continue training for rugby.

I get home from work at about midnight every single night and feel like this when I know I still have a full training session I need to make myself do before collapsing:

BUT, thanks to the awesomeness of rugby, I have managed to cling on for dear life and continue with training.
And I have to keep reminding myself that I ALWAYS feel great afterwards. I feel so accomplished and my body and mind feel good....which has been a difficult thing to have during my extremely high-stress job lately.

But I just don't know how much longer I can keep it up. So many times I ask myself, "If you REALLY want to play competitive rugby for life, are you willing to go into overdrive every day and commit 1000%?"

And the answer every time is an indefinite YES.

No matter how shitty I'm feeling, that thought always triumphs. I'm pretty sure I will never get to the USA Eagles level of rugby playing, but I shoot for that standard 24/7. If it wouldn't cut it for the USA Eagles, then it won't cut it for me. Even though that may seem unrealistic, why wouldn't I hold myself to the highest of expectations? I'll get the farthest I can that way.
 

 SIDE NOTE about this picture: I'm a major Game of Thrones nerd so I already love it and this character in the books/show, but I especially love this catchphrase of hers -
"And I will take what is mine, with fire and blood, I will take it."
Sounds greedy at first, but I really see it as putting in all the hard work you can to achieve your goals. I also see a lot of connection in this quote to how I feel about my motivation in rugby. I definitely have a lot of fire and passion for improving my performance and I will put in all the blood, sweat, and tears that are humanly possible.
**and if anyone doesn't know this character in Game of Thrones, she's a major underdog. Many people think she's silly, naïve, or stupid for saying that catchphrase and having the big (seemingly impossible) dreams that she does. But with her determination she proves EVERYONE wrong, OVER and OVER and OVER again. I truly feel that if I continue my own hopes and drive towards moving up in rugby, it WILL happen....no matter how many nay sayers there are. 

 



 

The last 3 days before this I completely derailed after having two good training sessions. It was mainly because all of those days I worked an average of at least 10 hours and did not get home until midnight or 1am even.....which caused me to do a lot of this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...and a lot of self wallowing.....and self doubt.........

...BUT WAH WAH WAH. CALL THE WAHBULANCE! I can't keep making excuses. This routine has got to change.

I've been having problems waking up even remotely early before work, hence why I have had to squeeze my workouts into the late night hours. It just seems like a horrible black hole of exhaustion...

sooooooo I signed up to start CROSSFIT next week!!!

 

 I think this will be the answer, because having a specific appointment where people are expecting me will motivate me more to haul myself out of bed and start my day earlier. This will also end my day earlier, which sounds like a good cycle. I'm excited for the high intensity of working out that I'll be able to do, and I'm especially happy to be doing it with other people! I even just miss the community setting of working out that rugby has. All of my workout attempts have been completely solo and boring.

 

I've just GOT to keep trying to find ways to continue working towards my rugby goals, even if I can't even play on a team right now. I'm trying hard to make RUGBY my job, because that truly makes me happy in life. Once I'm able to have a regular daytime job I will be [hopefully] SOARING, and LOVING all the rugby that comes into my life.
I will get there.
I WILL!!!!
....I'm just really impatient.