Rugby is turning into more and more of a lifestyle. Although I already spend every hour of every day thinking about rugby, when I get to play it next, etc. I'm starting to consider more serious life choices around it. I have been taking my diet and exercise routines much more seriously, which means increases in BOTH (eat more amounts of healthy foods and work out more intensely!). But deep down I know there is no substitution for simply gaining experience through practices and games. Any amount of exercise cannot replace that. Sooo eventually that means I'm going to have to consider a career change, because as a social worker that does not get home from work until about midnight every single day I am extremely limited in my options of rugby playing. BUT at the same time when looking at the freakin' economy and job market we're in right now it's a very difficult choice to give up a job I absolutely love and get paid well for. Quite risky.
IN THE MEAN TIME, shipping myself off to these random tournaments is a good way to keep myself in the rugby loop and continuing to make connections. Next weekend I'm going to Winterfest 7s in Buffalo!!! Obviously not even close to serious rugby playing but hey....rugby is rugby. And I actually think of it as a great training exercise because running and tackling in a million layers and through tons of snow is even more difficult than it sounds!
It's also been great incorporating rugby into my work with at risk youth. I just recently found out that IIAA (Illinois Inter-Agency Athletic Association), a league that the guys play basketball in and take VERY seriously, also has a FLAG RUGBY LEAGUE!!! There's a few road blocks to starting a team for this, such as the fact that the flag rugby tournament is held in the same time period that all the programs do a required therapeutic one-week camping trip, but I would really like to make this happen. I contacted the higher ups and am pursuing time to rent out the soccer building for some clinics.
When researching the rules and regulations of flag rugby, I give it a little more props. I'm such a fan of contact that normally my mind says "LAAAAAAAME NOT FUN" when thinking about flag rugby......and especially since I was practically ejected from flag football when accidentally being too aggressive in high school. They have some interesting rules that really make it as close to the real game as possible, such as having only TWO SECONDS to either place the ball or pass it after having your flag pulled (aka getting tackled). The traditions of respect and good sportsmanship are also upheld, which is a major struggle for many of the youth I work with. It's just such a major opportunity for a healthy outlet!!!
My biggest obstacle in rugby definitely continues to be my low level of self-confidence. I know that I work so incredibly hard and have infinite amounts of motivation and dedication, but for some reason I just never seem to think that I will ever actually be considered one of the better players. I always kind of expect myself to be on the bottom of the totem pole.............why?
It's been driving me so crazy that I've even started researching some sports psychology; I just came across a book called Focused for Rugby by Adam Nicholls and Jon Callard. The excerpts I found from these writers were already so inspiring that I just ordered the book! They raise some great points about improving confidence. A major problem that I indulge in that they identified is,
"Don't judge yourself in relation to how other players are doing."
I am SO guilty of this. I either put a lot of pressure on myself if I am one of the better players on the team (and evidently put a lot of guilt and blame on myself if something goes wrong), or hide in the background if I'm one of the weaker players on the team. Sometimes if I feel like an underdog this actually empowers me and I do better, because no one is expecting me to succeed and I like proving everyone wrong (in that sense). But I should not feel better or worse about my ability based on the skill level of the other players on my team. I need to focus solely on self improvement and what is MY personal best and what I specifically need to work on.
Here is a great table they made in the book that is useful for identifying your own rugby goals:
**but they also reiterate that these goals need to be ATTAINABLE; while it is great to reach for the stars, writing down concrete goals that can be accomplished in an established time frame is more practical and effective
Self acceptance in general is another thing I struggle with. But it is also an identified trait they use as something that builds confidence in rugby. I have too much criticism and not enough praise. I guess this is partially because I always want to be keeping myself in check and never slack off; I want to always remind myself that there is something I can be doing better and something I can be working on. But of course, there is a line to draw for this before it becomes unhealthy and destructing. I have profusely crossed this line. I need to start telling myself that even if I mess up, it will not matter as long as I don't give up. Another great quote that they mention in their writing is
"Remember that you will always have a second chance."
There will always be that second chance as long as I stick with it. So no matter how many times I drop a pass or miss a tackle, as long as I keep playing and keep working at it, then there will be another opportunity for me to fix those mistakes.
I try my best to manage this on and off the field, but I also have my slip ups now and then. Even when you don't have an ounce of self confidence in your body, you need to FAKE IT. Sometimes, even faking having self confidence can eventually develop real self confidence! But it really does make a difference to the opponent. If you appear confident, then you make your opponent feel unsure and second guess themselves. If you DON'T appear confident, then you are putting an extremely large neon bedazzled target on yourself that is going to make everyone aim for you. It's like a pack of lions pouncing on the one gazelle that seems to second guess their ability to survive (ouch...to far?). Here's an interesting picture in Focused for Rugby about nonverbal cues you can give depicting self confidence or insecurity:
I'm feeling good by actually following through with physical therapy this time, and even doing the exercises/stretches they ask me to do on a daily basis. Hopefully this will add to my self confidence, as injuries can have quite a lasting effect on how much I believe I'm capable of. Having these chronic Achilles issues has really been like having a handicap on my training; I'll be running and feel fine but my ankles will slowly be giving out. It's frustrating to want to keep going but having a weight around my feet keeping me back!!! But all I can do is stick with the healing process, and continue it throughout my training (even after physical therapy ends).
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