And it's not just a game.

I don't think I am really a fan of the collectivistic running our team seems to be so eager to start a trend of now. First of all, we never have practices and no one follows the work out schedule I made, so any time we're doing something rugby related together is very valuable. Second, in rugby everyone is not supposed to run the same pace. Ideally that is a good thought, that everyone on the team can run at a hard and fast pace, but because rugby is a sport for so many different diverse people that pace varies from person to person. That's why the sport has different positions in the first place; the flankers and the scrumhalf along with other positions have their spot specifically because they are fast sprinters. There are other positions though that require other skills. I personally play flanker and I am dying to play scrumhalf, so obviously my work out plan requires me to work on my own personal level of speed and endurance. That is not necessarily going to be the same level as other positions on the team. 

I like to push myself to run as fast as I can, and I like to keep track of every run I go on by timing it to see my averages and my progress. But running as a team seems to unfortunately hold me back by a ton, and it seems to be hurting me. I don't want to lose what I've been trying to work for. I would believe that team running would be beneficial if it was just a warm up or if we did something during the run that caused us to bond together, such as talking with one another or passing a ball around. But we didn't do any of that on our team run because everyone else was still extremely tired and unable to do anything else. I personally felt like I was taking a walk in the park, and when we were done with the almost 2 mile run I felt like I had done absolutely nothing. I wasn't breathing hard in the least bit when other people felt like they were dying. As much as it's not fair to force someone to run harder than they may be able to or want to, I think it's just as much not fair to make someone slow down for no reason and not do their best. The way I think team runs should be is that people should run at their own personal best pace, and work from there to get to their own highest potential. So now, I have to go on my own runs first at my own pace to make sure I can keep progressing, and then I have to go back and do the team run. It's tough because I am extremely busy every single day, and it's hard for me to find the time to regularly do this. 

It's very important to me to do my best in rugby, and it's not just to win or to be the best or to look good or anything like that. It's extremely personal. I am naturally a person that does not speak up as often as I'd like to. I try to be a very agreeable person and make everyone around me happy and smiling. So I seem to be very soft and light, which for the most part I am. I am a very happy, loving, and friendly person by nature. But the mistake that so many people make is that they believe I am weak or stupid. And so-many-people make this mistake all-the-time.

Rugby is one of the only places where I can quiet all those thoughts. It is one of the only places where I am able to speak up for myself (not literally, but in the form of play) and actually control certain aspects that are uncontrollable in my daily life. I bring all of my voice and strength to every rugby practice and rugby game that some people do not realize exist inside of me. In rugby I can let out in such a healthy way all of the aggression and frustration I experience in life and constantly suppress on a daily basis. I always come out of rugby feeling fresh and anew, feeling like I can handle anything else life has to offer me with a smile on my face because I was able to make a hard tackle or run the ball hard or somehow push all my limits in order to get the job done. Rugby is like therapy for me, a medicine that heals any sort of pain I feel in life (and I mean that in the emotional pain sense....obviously not the physical pain, ha!) and fulfills any sort of mental and physical necessity I am missing. And I hope that everyone else who plays rugby and loves the sport feels the same way. I wish that everyone on my team felt the same way so they would understand more where I'm coming from sometimes when I want to push myself to do my best.