Because the rugby team I'm on didn't have our regular outdoor practice tonight, I figured I would get into some soul searching in the rugby realm and share with the rugby community so that everyone could have an opportunity for a lil' self-reflection.
Rugby seasons are very interesting to look at individually. Different things in your outside life can affect your game on the field, because as well all know....rugby is a lifestyle. There's a million and one different excuses we can make for not doing our best...at the same time there's a million and one things we can attribute our success to...and I think it's helpful to outline both of those things for yourself so you know what works for you, what doesn't work for you, and what you need to do to move forward.
I'm gonna list some questions below to fill up your plates with some food for thought - I'm not even gonna write my own answers here because they don't really matter as much as you coming up with your own answers! Write 'em down or think in your head [or think out loud like Ed Sheeran if you prefer].
Rugby Reflection Questions
1. What season of rugby are you currently in? At this point, how long have you been playing for?
2. What team are you playing for? Have you played with this team before or have you started with a new team?
3. What do you like about the team you play for?
4. What do you wish was different about the team you play for?
5. What position[s] have you been playing? New or old [or both?!]?
6. Do you think you have improved at all this season? If so, where have you improved and what has made you improve? If not, what do you think you can do to start improving?
7. What are three concrete goals that you would like to accomplish in this season? Goal #1: Goal #2: Goal #3: 8. What are three concrete things that you can do to accomplish your goals this season? Thing #1: Thing #2: Thing #3: 9. What has been your biggest highlight this past season? 10. What has been your biggest challenge this past season? Side Note: If you don't already have a rugby journal, I HIGHLY suggest you invest in one! Not only do I [obviously] have my own rugby blog, but I also have a physical rugby journal that doubles/triples/quadruples as a place to write down rugby drills, journal about rugby goals, doodle pictures about motivating rugby things or thoughts or idea, scrapbook random rugby keepsakes like plane tickets to tournaments or photos or even directions to a field, and then be a freakin' awesome book to look back on and refer too all the time!!!
This past week, the world lost one of the most incredible human beings known in the history of man.
Papa Joe Klink
To say Papa Joe has influenced my life is the understatement of the century, it's even an understatement to say he's influenced every person he's ever met. While we are all deeply saddened that Papa Joe physically isn't here anymore to crack jokes, throw snowballs at us, or play tennis with us...he's a legend. He's going to live on forever - his idiosyncrasies and phrases will go down in history and be passed on as proverbs. But I know that if there's anywhere that I would pay tribute to my grandfather, it would be on my rugby blog....because he's the one that introduced me to rugby in the first place. If it weren't for him, this rugby blog might not exist...my rugby career might not exist...and I may have NEVER found the love of my life.
Papa Joe and his grandchildren were 11 peas in a pod [there's 10 of us total between my mom and her 3 siblings]. Since birth, he's been the #1 fan of anything we possibly did in our lives.
...sometimes, as a kid I didn't feel that all the time.
I was very competitive in sports. I had a lot of tough critics in life, myself being the toughest. I never seemed to be good enough. For a while I even got cut from a lot of sports teams.
But "bookies don't pay off at halftime..."
Papa Joe took my cousins, my siblings and I out to so many different playgrounds and parks and sporting events. He must've had a complete dead arm at the end of some play dates from how many tennis balls he pitched to us during batting practices. He drove us and what seemed like half of our team sometimes to practices and games. Wherever we were, he was front and center. Even at the softball state finals [shown below] he somehow miraculously ended up on the infield to snap the perfect picture of the moment. That's what he was all about...capturing moments, seizing the day.
"It just doesn't get any better than this..."
In the many times in my life where the pressure was on, and I seemed to be surrounded by stress and negativity, Papa Joe was that shining light. We would walk in on him at his "breakfast club" in Nahant, updating all of his buddies on what his grandson did last night, his granddaughter did last week, and his other granddaughter is doing tomorrow. He always made me [and everyone else] feel wanted, accepted, and special.
When I was about 10 years old, Papa Joe took me to Harvard for the millionth time to walk around the beautiful campus, see the old buildings, and maybe even sneak into an event for free because he LITERALLY knew everyone. On one fateful day at Harvard, Papa Joe walked me over to a rugby game.
[sorry the drawing is a little shaky...it was hard to draw it out and not get emotional doing it]
I had NO idea at the time what we were looking at. I literally thought all of the players in a scrum were hugging each other, and I thought it was the strangest sport I had ever seen. But I remembered that one moment. I remembered that one moment all the way up until college, when I saw a sign for women's rugby as I was moving into my dorm. I thought, "OH MY GOSH....THAT'S THE SPORT PAPA JOE SHOWED ME ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO...I'VE GOTTA CHECK IT OUT."
...of course the rest is history. The girls at the women's rugby table were friendly off the bat and sucked me right in. At the time I was slated for Division I softball, had my game footage submitted and everything. But I dropped it to give rugby a go, and it was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. And I would have NEVER even been faced with that decision if it weren't for Papa Joe.
It's been hard sometimes for my parents to watch me play due to some brutal injuries. Some people were disappointed that I didn't stick with the softball, and didn't really understand why I had made such an abrupt change. But Papa Joe supported me the entire way. He talked up my rugby career and even made the trek out to Buffalo, NY for one of my games.
"DON'T EMBARRASS THE FAMILY NAME!"
He most certainly made sure I didn't! I still remember him telling people, "KATIE'S GONNA GO TO THE OLYMPICS FOR RUGBY, MY GRANDKIDS ARE ALL GONNA MAKE ME FAMOUS."
...no Papa Joe, you did that to yourself. You made yourself a legend through your selfless heart, passion for meeting new people, and ability to tell an absolutely amazing joke. You'll be with me every step I take, and you'll be there to remind my future children
"....YOU'RE SWINGIN', I DON'T CARE IF YOU STRIKE OUT BUT YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN SWINGIN'!!"
Yesterday at crossfit, I experienced a VERY interesting phenomena that's never really happened to me before...
Background: I am extremely hesitant with adding weight to workouts in any way, shape, or form. Especially when it comes to WOD [Workout of the Day]'s, it's always difficult for me to know which weight I should do. The weight movements in WOD's are always compounded with additional movements [except if it's a "pump day" which isolates a specific weight lifting technique]. You need to strategize a little more since there's multiple factors to take into consideration.
....the point is....I always "play it safe"....VERY safe. I always aim for a lower weight to ensure I can do it and not fail. I have jokingly [and not jokingly] been told by crossfit coaches to add more weight to the bar for workouts, but it's definitely up to me and my confidence level more than anything. I just have an irrational fear of failure.
SO, yesterday at crossfit our WOD consisted of 21 reps-15 reps-9 reps of deadlifts and box jumps. From my chronic achilles issues that have been a major struggle for me since high school, BOX JUMPS ARE THE DEVIL. There are select few movements that I keep a high red flag radar on that amplify the difficulty of a workout for me, the ones that strain my achilles the most: box jumps, burpees, and jump roping in any way, shape or form.
Whenever these red flag movements show up in a WOD, I specifically scale back on the other movements a little more than normal since the strain on my achilles is practically a handicap. At first I warmed up with a 95lb deadlift and thought "Okay...this is on the lighter side..." but I added some more weight to the point where I thought "Okay....this is a little heavier but still doable." In my mind I assumed I had added weight to get up to the 115lb mark, because in my mind everything else above that was WAY TOO HEAVY FOR ME AND TOO MUCH OF A STRETCH AND SHOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER IT FOR A WORKOUT WITH 45 REPS.
I went through the workout, and yes it was a bitch. But it was a good bitch. I didn't injure myself or go out of my comfort zone, yet I didn't breeze through the workout either [not even close, hahaha].
...then as I was taking the weight off of my barbell, I thought "Wait a minute........lemme add up this weight again......"
...and that's when I realized I had TOTALLY miscounted - what I thought was 115lbs was actually 125lbs!!!!!! I had gone through the entire workout unknowingly with 10 extra pounds of weight, and what in my mind seemed like would've been CATASTROPHIC was actually completely doable....just because I was confident in myself and felt good about it. And although 10 extra pounds isn't really a huge difference in weight, the significance behind doing a weight that I had completely ruled out of the question was a big deal to me.
And of course the weight itself isn't what I am or should be proud about - 125lbs to some people may seem like "HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF WEIGHT" but to tons of other people 125lbs seems like "PFFT THAT'S CHILD'S PLAY." That number is completely relative to the individual. If someone who thought they couldn't do more than 15lbs actually did 25lbs then that would be the exact same accomplishment.
In the end, the mind is a very powerful thing. You set your own standards of what you can or cannot do. I chose a weight based solely off how I felt warming up with it, rather than automatically putting myself in a category and saying "I can't do any more than this."
BUT a word of caution: especially when dealing with weights, TAKE DA BABY STEPS. I don't want anyone reading this [...if anyone actually DOES read it...] and then the next day saying "WELL I THINK I CAN DO 150lbs INSTEAD OF 100lbs SO IMMA DO IT." Definitely does NOT work that way. I have my crossfit coaches to thank a lot for my own progress. The right coaches/trainers KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. If it's too much weight then it's too much weight. They'll tell you when to take a little jump and when to scale it back. Trust the process, they've been through it themselves!! And most of all, just trust that the longer you keep at it, the sooner you'll reach your goals :)
I just read a great quote about mental health, but obviously it has a universal meaning [and thus can be applied to rugby]:
"Sunshine all the time makes a desert."
What a simple but true statement.
Without the hard times, the slumps, the setbacks, the rejections...nothing grows. YOU don't grow. "Rainy days" may seem like downers [and they literally are when practice gets fucking canceled from them], but they're food for the soul. They develop character, work ethic, motivation, and so much more.
...I have personally had a lot of rainy days over the past few months...more than normal.
A lot of different obstacles have entered my life inside and outside of rugby. I have experienced loss, rejection, deception, illness...and even been in a huge car accident. All of these things and more have had a major impact on my self esteem and my energy level - two big things you need in order to succeed in rugby....or anywhere else!
Directly after the season, my body COMPLETELY collapsed in the form of getting sick. And not just a cold or even the flu....I was in bed for the night by 4:30pm for three weeks. I have NEVER been that sick in my entire life, and being stagnant/practically lifeless for that amount of time made bouncing back to crossfit and rugby training that much harder.
Now, I kinda need to rebuild the blocks and start from the beginning. I have to rebuild my fitness, even rebuild my confidence. Even when it seems like nothing good has come out of your situation, you've gotta find a way to figure out how you've grown from the experience.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
...and all of this is MUCH easier said than done. It's really hard to pull yourself out of the dumps mentally or physically. You can easily get into a pattern of negative thinking and then never come out of it. You can easily say "I'll start tomorrow....I'll do it tomorrow....I can't do it because of ____, ____, and _____..."
But YOU, and nobody else, needs to be the one who starts saying "I'M GOING TO START TODAY....I'M IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND IT'S UP TO ME TO MAKE IT BETTER...I AM GOING TO DO IT BECAUSE [IT'S GOOD FOR ME], [I CAN DO IT], AND [IF NOT NOW, WHEN?]."
The hardest part of creating change is STARTING. Whether it's rugby training, a nutrition plan, a new job, going back to school [I'm guilty of that one], or even just a new mindset, beginning and developing change is not only the hardest part but the part that deters people from changing the most.
If you're never faced with adversity, then in the end you're only hurting yourself. That doesn't mean go out of your way and make something bad happen [haha], but CHALLENGE YOURSELF. Get uncomfortable. Push your limits and boundaries. Don't be afraid of whether you can or cannot do it, even if you come up with a million excuses as to why you can't or shouldn't. Start with little goals and set a date to get them done by. Stick with it and establish discipline. Don't flip your life around to try and accomplish your goals, just start with baby steps.
The mind is a powerful thing. It can be your biggest blockade or it can be your biggest motivator....
.....you decide which it is.
DISCLAIMER: Just to make sure that I'm as clear as possible and making the CORRECT points about the LFL....
To even try and say that these women are not athletes or non-athletic is just down right dumb....and obviously entirely wrong. First off, obviously they're in pretty damn good shape if they're able to maintain a flawless physique while running around a football field in minimal clothing (nobody gets a six pack by sitting on the couch). When you look at some clips from the LFL, they clearly hit hard and run fast. GOOD LUCK facing any of these ladies in a race or arm wrestling match...
It's also dumb to assume that these women play just to show off their bodies. They really seem to love football, work hard at it, and are good at it. As a fellow gal who plays a physical sport, it's FUN and even therapeutic. Many women in the LFL attest to how playing football is a great outlet.
I give these girls a salute and a pat on the back for continuing to be badasses in the sport. I don't view them as prissy or silly or whatever negative connotation you can come up with. They're athletes, they're also beautiful women, end of story.
WITH THAT BEING SAID.........
WHY.
WHY.
WHYYYYYY DON'T THESE WOMEN PLAY RUGBY.
WHYYYYYYY DON'T THESE WOMEN PLAY IN THE IWFL [Independent Women's Football League].
I mean, you do you, but just the fact that there is a whole organization that takes athletic women and makes them play a sport where the uniform requires clothing that fully exposes you and also makes no damn sense is BEYOND annoying.
TURF BURN FOR DAYZ AMIRIGHT?!?!?!
In this article which quotes a few LFL players, one player even says that after having played the sport for a few years she would prefer to play in a sports bra and spandex....even THAT makes more sense than what they currently have to play in.
But another quote made in the article by a LFL player absolutely infuriated me. She made a statement about how she loves being able to go "absolutely crazy" on the field and let loose. HOWEVER, she follows it with saying "There's not really another place that a woman's allowed to do that."
UMMMMMMM EXCUUUUUUSE MEEEEEE???
I looked at some of the Facebook comments to see other people's reactions and opinions to this league. They ranged all over the place, for and against the league, their uniforms, etc. but this comment concerned me the most:
"There is so little opportunity for female athletes who lead real lives and just want to continue to excel in a competitive team sport"
"...they probably say, alright, if I have to wear a bikini to get to play this game, I'll do it"
???????????
I know from personal experience and through general spread knowledge that Chicago [that's where the player was from who said that quote] hosts MULTIPLE women's rugby teams that are EXTREMELY competitive. The Midwest in general is quite a hub for rugby. To say that there are virtually no other places for women to be aggressive, play with a team, and utilize their athleticism is just...wrong....SO WRONG!
While you can make the argument that the focus is on women athletes and not their appearance, clearly some of the practices of the league as described by a player are completely unnecessary and ridiculous. Some pregame rituals the players have to go through consist of hair, make up, and routine spray tans. Another player talks in an article about how when she broke her face [LITERALLY, broke her face], her coach focused on how she "still looked beautiful." Does that REALLY matter if your damn face is broken?!
And why the heck do these women HAVE to go through hair, make up, and tanning in order to be considered beautiful?? Every day I marvel at how pretty AND strong all my teammates, all women's rugby players, and all women athletes are all over the world:
And I'm sure that there are plenty of women athletes who have their own pregame rituals of hair, makeup, and maybe even tanning [I mean, even I do some minimal hair/makeup before games!]...do whatever makes yeh feel good before a game. But the big difference is that it's a PERSONAL PREFERENCE, not a requirement.
I guess I don't wanna rag too much on the LFL more than I want to appreciate and promote the other opportunities out there for women to engage in competitive, physical sports. Fans, players, coaches, and even game commentators have said it once and will say it again - women's rugby is the exact same as men's rugby. Same rules, same dimensions, same ball, same level of physical contact. The IWFL also uses the same rules as the NFL! If these women's sports are the same [or at least similar] levels of athleticism, commitment, and dedication as the LFL....then why is one getting so much more hype and publicity than the others??
And in the end, one of the BEST parts about women's rugby [and I'm sure this is true in the IWFL and LFL] is that your teammates are as close to you, if not closer, than your family. The camaraderie and bonding that goes on cannot be replicated in any other setting. The amount of trust and support that you put in your teammates is unreal. And especially in rugby, the same goes for the opposition - even if you're ready to tear someone's face off in a game, it's miraculous how you can be sharing a beer and a laugh with them afterwards. While the opposing team can CERTAINLY piss you off....rugby players control and harness their anger so fist fights and unnecessary cheap shots like these don't happen:
Moral of the story: women's sports that are just as hard and aggressive as men's exist in multiple forms. Appreciate the women athletes of the LFL, IWFL, women's rugby, and all other sports the same as you would to the male counterparts. Do what you love, love what you do.
Everyone can be their toughest critic, especially when it comes to rugby. We all make mistakes, rugby is practically a game of mistakes and how you handle them. That one dropped pass or missed tackle can make you feel like a real bonehead on the field sometimes.
But making a mistake doesn't make you a bad player or a bad teammate. From that one seemingly ginormous mistake, you may overlook the 20 things you did GREAT right beforehand. And your teammates love you and appreciate your unique strengths, it's part of the beauty of the sport of rugby and the people who play it. But at the same time, remember to give your teammates a pat on the back once in a while, especially the ones that you know beat themselves up more than they should. Let them know they're appreciated members of your awesome team, and that you trust them and support them. Everyone's important and vital, nobody is a more "valuable" player than the other. But make sure all your teammates know that! Everyone needs a pick me up sometimes.
