Some people like to be all "chatty kathy" with it.

Phew, it has been quite the journey to train for this all star team. I really do think I'm giving it pretty much everything I've got, and it's tough for me to say that and mean it. I'm my own toughest critic, and nothing is ever good enough. Usually I never think that I am working hard enough; I always tell myself that I require more, that whatever I'm doing is unsatisfactory and that I need to work harder. Although I know I still have a long way to go, I know that up until this point I have been pushing my every limit. I've been breaking my every boundary; I've been using my every bone and muscle to the fullest. There have been so many times already where my body has been beaten and pushed as far as it can possibly go and then reused again. I caught an absolutely horrid flu for about 5 days, and every single one of those days I still did the same exact amount of training that I would have done in full health. My ankles have been absolutely dying throughout this whole process, but I have been doing every possible thing I can to not let them get in the way. I have pushed my way through incredible amounts of pain.
Maybe I am being full of myself and maybe I am overreacting to the training I've been putting myself through, but I know for a fact that I have been taking this all star team VERY seriously, and changing my whole life around for it. I have changed all of my eating habits (and I usually have an infinite appetite), and every single day I am constantly thinking about the practice that is coming up and the amount of work I still need to do in order to be prepared for it. I still feel like I only made the all star team as a water girl or something, and I think my odds are stacked against me (could be partially due to the fact that I was not even considering the possibility of me being able to make this team at all) because I knew at both tryouts that for my position I am not the typical size. But these cannot be excuses, and I know that sometimes I live for and thrive in the underdog situation. I like proving people wrong, I think that's why sometimes in sports my best year was my freshman year.
I know deep down I'm really scared, I'm super nervous. I have accepted the fact that no matter what, this is going to be really hard. But if there's anything that I have learned in life, I've learned that even though there are hard and scary things in life, you cannot avoid or run away from them. All I can do, and all I will do, is prepare myself as much as possible and face my fears full throttle. In rugby, there is absolutely no room for doubt on the pitch. You absolutely cannot think for a second you are going to fail, even if the odds are completely stacked against you. I think that doing anything in rugby with a hint of doubt probably has a 0% success rate. I have to have pure confidence in myself and the rest of the people I play with. Maybe I was only picked out of pity, or because they wanted at least somebody from every school to make it, or who knows what other reason, but I am going to show everyone (especially myself) that I deserve to be there just as much as anyone else because I leave my heart on the field every single time I step on and off it.