The beginning!

Soo I decided to make a blog about rugby (nerd.) because I really think that everything that goes into rugby and that has to do with rugby is so fascinating. Like I said almost two years ago when I was a Freshman in college, playing rugby is one of the greatest decisions I have ever made in my entire life. The philosophies in rugby and the people you meet in rugby are all so genuine, and it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. Up until college I have done hockey, softball, basketball, track, cross country, lacrosse, soccer, and field hockey......and they're all different kinds of teams but just not even close to the phenomenon of rugby. So to start it off, I copied and pasted everything from my old journal that has to do with rugby (I know....NERD!) and put it on here. I think it's cool to have it all put together chronologically because it really does start at the very beginning of my rugby career. Although the last post below ends what I've written at October 5th 2009, really rugby season and thinking about rugby never ever stops for me and hopefully it never stops for anyone.

October 5th, 2009: No one knows how hard coaching really is until they experience it for themselves. I KNOW that my rugby coach subs people in accordingly. Last year, I went through the pains of being disappointed when not playing. I probably went through the worst of it out of anyone. I worked my ass off, more than anyone on the team if not everyone on the team combined, for games that I wouldn't even get to dress for. And one of those games was the one game that my family drove 10 hours to see, meaning they drove ten hours to see me not start, not sub in, and not play period. It can't really get any worse than that, and I'll never forget how hard I worked and how much effort I put in. I was shut down many many times, thrown aside and not played for long periods of time. I didn't just get my starting spot out of thin air or because I'm a favorite or anything like that, I worked hard to get to where I am. And I fully believe that if you REALLY, TRULY want something then if you work hard enough for it you'll get it. You just can't take no for an answer. If you don't start in a game, then you think, "Okay fine, I'll work SO hard this next week that I'll definitely start," and you continue saying that until the rewards finally come. Who knows when that time is, but I believe if you really keep at it then you will be rewarded sooner or later. People just have to SHUT IT and quit complaining. I know what it's like to not play and I never complained once. Eat some humble pie.

We lost our third game to Cortland 27-0....GOD DAMNIT. It's so FRUSTRATING, and not completely because of the team either. I feel like I'm working SO hard and going NOWHERE. I think that's partially because rugby is such a team sport that no one ever really stands out, no matter how good they are. If your team sucks then you suck too, and the team always experiences the joys and pains of each game as a whole. The thing I was most upset about in this game though was that I literally felt slower, and I felt like I wasn't working hard enough because I was getting exhausted quicker and I knew that I wasn't going my fastest...and it wasn't because of a lack of effort, it was because of a lack of endurance, which I normally ALWAYS make sure I have. And I mean, I guess it wasn't even that noticeable that I was personally not as in shape as normal because I work so hard at it in the first place, but I personally just felt like I was just a step off from normal. I just got sick last week and it was really rainy all the time, so I couldn't work out as much as I normally do. But that setback completely threw me off in the game. Luckily I'm already running a lot more and I'm basically back to good health, so I'll be able to spring back for the next game.
I'm just PRAYING that tomorrow at the meeting the team makes the right decision about the rugby coach...though it seems doubtful to me right now.

September 23rd, 2009: We lost our first rugby game of the season 15-10 against LeMoyne. We should've won, but I at least scored my first tri ever! And I almost scored a second one! Hopefully we'll improve SOON.

September 8th, 2009: I think I'm starting to realize that my desires for rugby have been a tad selfish. I mean, at the same time it's not really a bad thing to want to do your best and play in every game (I mean, if you REALLY like the sport that is what you should want, right?), but I think I need to step back and stop obsessing about my playing time. I know that part of the reason why I wanted to learn more positions was to increase my chances of playing and to become more of a utility player, but I should think more so about how if I don't play then it's not a big deal and not the end of the world. I KNOW that I am working hard and doing my best, and I know that I am personally making major improvements. What more could I ask for? If no one else recognizes that, then fuck them. It doesn't mean that I did anything less. No one needs to know that sometimes I run the park three times a day before we even begin practicing. It's nice to do it not for the glory but just for my own personal satisfaction. I'm happy with my progress. I won't let anyone else let me think otherwise.

September 2nd, 2009: Rugby practices have started, and already I feel like I am ready to annihilate (although I know that I am not even close to being fully ready and in shape yet). But NO ONE is going to bring me down this year, I am going to dominate. And I don't mean that in the cocky sense, like I'm better than everyone else and that I'm above everyone else, but I just know that my heart's in this more than anyone else and I am going to work so incredibly hard and push my every limit.

Just wait until the first scrimmage.....they won't even know what hit 'em.

August 26th, 2009: Rugby is stressing me out beyond insanity. I feel like I shouldn't have anything to worry about because I worked out soooo much over the summer and I have worked soooooo hard towards this time, but now I suddenly don't feel prepared. I feel like I lost EVERYTHING and that I'm completely out of shape all over again. I guess I can only try my hardest, which I am most certainly doing, and I just hope that's enough. Another thing that is stressing me out and pissing me off at the same time are how people are mad at me about playing scrumhalf. First off, they TOLD me to play the position from the get go, and they fucking screwed me over in the end about it. SECOND, if they want to play it sooooo bad then why can't they try and play it themselves if they think they can do better!? And THIRD, I didn't ask for ANY of this, so don't bitch at me. Ugh, I never thought I would have to deal with this on this team. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and take the hits to try and prevent any arguments (and deep down in my head I'll picture how much I could totally annihilate them with a rugby tackle, ha). Every day seems to be going by slower and slower because I'm WAITING for the moment when rugby practices start next week. I hope I'm able to prove myself enough this year to actually earn some respect from other people on the team. Just because I'm nice and happy for the most part, doesn't mean I'm stupid and that I can't fuck someone up.

June 27th, 2009: I am having extreme rugby withdrawl. I seriously feel like I cannot go this long or any longer without playing rugby, and that when I go back to the sport I am going to suck big time. I just hope all this working out I'm doing is actually worth it and pays off. I know it's not the same as actually playing in games and practicing rugby, but honestly I think it's the next best thing I can do and all I can do at this point. I might start doing these mini triathlons once a week; I think if I could get into that then I would be in pretty good shape to play rugby again. But, this fucking job I have has the shittiest and weirdest hours, so who knows. I just hope hope hope everything goes okay and that next rugby season I am ready to play my very best.

June 22nd, 2009: So the rugby team I was on was a BUST. sort of. I mean, I practiced with them and went to some games...and then their spring season ended. They were supposed to have a summer season too that wasn't as hardcore, but they legit fell off the face of the earth. It's so frustrating because I want to get better at this sport quickly, and the best way to do that is to actually PLAY it (duh). But for now, I guess I'm literally doing everything I can to get ready for the fall season; I've been working out like a maniac. I kind of wish that the summer would end right now just so that I could go into the season in shape. I hope that I can keep this up, and do even more, before the fall and not fall behind (no pun intended, but HA). I'm nervous; I think I'm putting a lot more pressure on myself and the team than I need to. But I want to play Division I SO BAD. I KNOW we can, and rapidly the team is losing a lot of really great players. If we were gonna do it ever, NOW would be the time. Already the team has lost sooooo many great and extremely valuable players that can never be replaced. I HATE it how people can be so lazy and not take this seriously. I know it's a club team, but we have the chance to be GREAT. We can still have fun, but I think we should want to succeed as much as we can too. Why not reach for the stars? Why not believe we can achieve greatness and try our very best?

May 3rd, 2009: I hope that I can play rugby over the summer. I don't think I'll be able to take a season off without it! It would be sooo awesome if I could stay here next year and play for the women's team (and that would be scary at the same time!). We'll see how everything plans out. I'm so happy with how everything went here. I couldn't be happier.

February 24th, 2009: For rugby, I need to learn to run low with the ball. I think that's why I'm feeling so hurt now, is because every time I got hit I wasn't running low enough. Tomorrow I'm going to the health center to get my leg and shoulder checked out. I just need to get used to running the ball and getting tackled more; that just comes with experience and time I guess. I think I've just been more used to tackling instead of getting tackled from being a forward. But also, I seriously need to "grow a pair" in Angela (from The Office) terms. If I'm going to become scrum half on this team, I need to step it up a notch and take some control. I love the new people on our team already!!

February 21st, 2009: My finger is literally purple and I can barely write, my knees are bowling balls, I feel like walking with a limp from the gargantuan bruise on my quad, my shoulder feels like it's gonna fall off, I have a bruise on my ass (pfft)... AND ITS AWWWESOMEEEEEEE!!!!! Today was winterfest, and it was great! The weather was way nicer than expected (even though it was still wet and freezing, it was also sunny), and I played like 6 games of rugby in a row...that's probably why I'm so banged up now. As much as it hurts, honestly I feel like the first thing I want to do after I feel better is get beat up in rugby all over again! I'm really hooked into it. The team is fabulous. Can't wait for rugby season :o)

But blaaaaaah on a serious note I really am in SO much pain.